Christmas Inheritance
- Romessa Nadeem
- Dec 27, 2017
- 3 min read
Rating 1/10
Directed by Ernie Barbarash
Starring
Eliza Taylor as Ellen Langford
Jake Lacy as Jake Collins
Andie MacDowell as Debbie Collins
Even considering all the things that are wrong with this tacky movie, let’s first talk about that awful title. Christmas Inheritance is a dull drab name for an accordingly dull drab movie.
Ellen Langford is a rich young heiress who is appointed by her father to deliver a Christmas card to a man named Zeke, the man he started a toy manufacturing business with. Now she must travel to the small town of Snowfalls, find Zeke and come back to home to her fiancée. He’s (you guessed it) not a nice guy and doesn’t believe in giving charity to the homeless. This is obvious testament to his disposability in a movie like this.
Her father tells her she can’t reveal her real identity to anyone in Snowfalls, and she must go as “Ellen London.” Why is she incognito? Who knows, but you guessed right if you think that someone’s going to be mad at her for lying at the end when they find out. But uh-oh, Zeke happens to be out trekking for days and he doesn’t believe in carrying cell phones. Of course, these multi-millionaire types rarely do. You’re making perfect sense so far, movie. She’s forced to stay in the little inn run by Jake Lacy (we’ll get to him in a minute) There she begins learning the real joy of Christmas and the true happiness in giving and other “insert sentimental Hallmark TV movie theme” here.
Christmas Inheritance is not even a substandard holiday film. The script is terrible. Don’t believe me? There’s a scene where Ellen is talking to her fiancée on the phone and refers to Zeke as “Uncle Zeke” in front of Jake Lacy even though she’s supposed to be incognito. He doesn’t even bat an eye. That’s the level of lazy screenwriting we’re dealing with, folks. The filmmakers literally didn’t care what made it onto the screen.
Speaking of, Jake Lacy is just oh so kind, treating the world with a sort of naïve purity that would make even Forrest Gump want to punch him in the face. He’s just such a nice guy, it’s nauseating. Oh, and he also paints, (like a true emotionally wounded hero) volunteers, drives a cab and watches Mickey Mouse every day (that last one is never shown in the movie but it’s probably true).
Ellen is the most unappealing character to watch, annoying and incompetent. Everyone treats her with so much patience, even when she lets a vacuum cleaner explode, although they should be setting her suitcases on fire. It’s not charming to have a lead that confuses a hot water bottle for an animal (because they don’t have hot water bottles in New York, obviously. Oh, the simple purity of small towns!).
Christmas Inheritance even dragged Andie MacDowell into this mess, who appropriately phones in her performance. In fact, they all do. Nobody, least of all Jake, looks like they want to be there. It’s not shot well, the direction is horrendous and the leads have zero chemistry. The only way this movie is even mildly watchable is if you do it with a group of friends, laughing at its obvious wretchedness.
Watch The Family Stone for a far better Christmas movie in which a young man brings his conservative girlfriend home for Christmas to meet his family. It has a stellar cast by the way!
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