Slender Man

Directed by Sylvain White

Starring

Javier Botet as Slenderman

Joey King as Wren

Julia Goldani Telles as Hallie

Does anyone remember the old urban legend of Slenderman? Or the countless horror stories based on it? Or the creepy video game, Slender? Or the… Fanfiction? (Yes, that’s a thing and for the sake of your own sanity, don’t read it) Anyway now we have a movie based around the infamous forest stalker. The question I have is exactly how much more this dead horse can take before the carcass finally disintegrates.

Slenderman stopped being scary quite a while ago. If you want to create a horror film based on a creepypasta, there are countless internet demons to choose from (The Rake, anyone?) But clearly the objective is to make as much cash as possible. No contemporary internet horror icon is as notorious (or marketable) as Slenderman. The horror video game released when Slenderman used to be significant has eased the playing field quite a bit, paving the way for what seems to a B grade slasher film.

This movie looks boring and dull with not a hint of originality or inspiration. It’s based on a creepypasta that stopped being relevant years ago. Short of Slenderman actually showing up in the kitchen with an apron, he probably isn’t scary to anyone over the age of fifteen. The tall faceless intruder should have been left way back in the past. Hollywood just won’t let that happen so we as an audience get to see this near painful snooze fest. Hooray!

The acting and direction look clumpy and bland with absolutely no comprehensible plot. Maybe in the hands of a competent director like James Wan (The Conjuring) or Mike Flanagan (Ouija: Origin of Evil), this retelling of an urban legend would be effective. In fact, that’s a movie I’d like to see. But this is actually the directorial debut of Sylvain White so honestly it would be best to not expect much.

Whether Slenderman still scares the life out of you or not is highly subjective. If you’re over twenty and face any adult responsibilities, the prospect of simply chilling with the tall faceless dude might be somewhat welcome. But nothing excuses this poor cash grab of a film, so obviously lacking in substance and plot. It doesn’t look clever or witty. While there’s no dialogue uttered in the trailer, I don’t believe that’s a step taken to add depth. Rather, there’s just no dialogue worth adding. At this point, I’d rather read one of those atrocious fanfictions. I don’t expect Slender Man to be much better.

Slender Man is set to be released (unfortunately) on 18 May 2018.

#slenderman #horror #hollywood #theconjuring #sylvainwhite